First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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