i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
