It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
