I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize