If that was your dad, he is hot
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
it glows. i had to have it.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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