bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
