I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
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