so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
