A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
