i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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