I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
