so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
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We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
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My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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