Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
