omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
