you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
there is puke in my bra ... again
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