pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
