This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
