My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
