I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I party with great urgency now.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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