Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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