i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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