Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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