I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
The dick lei will go down in squad history
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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