He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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