That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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