You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
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