Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
it hurts more in the daytime
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
