Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
