Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
