What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
