That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
