yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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