Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
