No awkward lesbian experiences without me
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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