i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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