it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
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