we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
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life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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