I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
