She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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