I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
