dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
