Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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