i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
