Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
