no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
