And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
