Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Randomize
