You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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