You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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