I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
