my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
