hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
