If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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