Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
