where does the pee come out of this thing
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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