I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
