it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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