Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
