Swine flu. Run for my life!
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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