Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
