try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
