Already got asked if we're dating
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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