I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Randomize