I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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