You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize
