I heard we made out
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
