What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
