im having a threesome with these popsicles
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
