Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
